Dear Jesus, Please Save Me From Your Followers

Seeing as my recent blog post earned me some animosity, I might as well move on to a safe and non-threatening topic.

Like religion.

Telling me that my support of the right to choose is advocating murder is the quickest way to end any kind of discussion on the topic with me. Period. End of discussion. Criminalizing abortion is not going to end abortion – it will just mean dangerous back-street procedures for poor women. The attack on reproductive rights by the right wing is just another prong in their ongoing, merciless attack on the poor. Just ask any pro-lifer why they haven’t adopted an unwanted child. If Republicans were truly pro-life, they would be in support of health care for all children, quality nutrition for all children, quality education for all children, a genuine opportunity for the future of all children. They would see our children as our greatest investment and respond accordingly. “Welfare mother” and “burden on the state” would never be spoken of any mother or any child.

Because I support reproductive rights doesn’t mean I want abortions to happen – that’s like saying my support of national defense means that I want wars to happen. Sometimes they do. And when they do, I want them handled by capable, skilled individuals.

But I’m sick and tired of this charade. The Powers That Be in the Republican Party could care less about abortion. However, they know that it is just one more powerful wedge issue that they can cynically employ to keep the 99% divided among themselves rather than joining together in opposition to the economic crimes being perpetrated by members of the 1%.

Untitled

This space is the place
Where I feel the most love
The heart, radiant
The eyes, dreamclouded
The ears, touching the sound
The body, abuzz
The doings of the world tomorrow
Are of no consequence
Will pass and have no memory
So-very important trivialities
For such vain pursuits
Our bodies and our senses
Our prayers and hopes and dreams
That sparkle like fireworks
And shine with thousand-sun brilliance
Our names and our reputations
Our striving and our legacies
The passions and the flesh, while it endures
The length, the depth, the warmth
The ocean of collective understanding
These are the true riches and wealth
Burn the rest, melt it down
For all it’s perceived importance,
It comes to nothing.

Hypocrisy

It’s not very often that something really ruffles my feathers. This morning was one of those times.

I woke up with my coffee and browsed my Twitter feed for the previous several hours, as I usually do – and I found out that I was one of a few people being  ”schooled” by a high-profile SL blogger. The crime? Tweeting snarkily that SL’s number-one mudslinger, Prokofy Neva, managed to get ‘his’ account deactivated.

My first response to the news of Prok’s deletion was ‘WTF?’ I checked ‘his’ Twitter feed and blog for a possible explanation, and found one. Prokofy alleged that the account had been temporarily suspended over a billing issue. This immediately brought to mind Prokofy’s verbal skewering of Ina Centaur over – surprise! - losing an account due to billing issues.

So I laughed at the irony. Oh, yes, I did laugh – and I did tweet. In fact, here’s a number of my comments, of which I am not the least bit ashamed:

Holy Crap … @Prokofy has apparently been suspended or banned. What in the world … how … what … ? http://bit.ly/vALGtS

Enjoy a grid free of Voldemort – if just for one day.

Voldemort gets banned from TSO, joins SL. TSO creator joins SL staff, Voldemort disappears from SL people list. Coincidence? I hope not.

10.27.2011 // NEVAR FORGET // [image of screaming eagle against backdrop of purple mountain's majesty goes here] #adaywithoutprok

I may have had an argument with my mom once, but at least I can pay my bills on time. #adaywithoutprok

I may be a furry, but at least I can pay my bills on time. #adaywithoutprok

(Someone check the milk carton, please.) http://bit.ly/vroKYV #adaywithoutprok

I may be a ‘moron who’s been on the internet too long’, but at least I can pay my bills on time. #adaywithoutprok

The word from the monocle’s mouth is that it’s a “billing issue” and that she’ll be back today or tomorrow. We’ll see.

And so on. You can go through my Twitter feed of October 27th if you care to read the rest.  I’ve not deleted them, and I won’t.

Was it childish? Yes, it was. Was it spiteful?  Oh, yes. Yes, it was. Was it good behavior? No, it was certainly was not. In fact, this is precisely the reason why I generally advise against interacting with or commenting on Prokofy – one almost always sinks to ‘his’ level.

But was it bullying? Hateful? This blogger claims that it was, that it was motivated by hate, and so they were “kicking the soap box out from under the feet of [Prok's] critics.”

However … this person has no place to wag fingers and pretend to feel sorry for Prok for comments made – because none of them rise to what this blogger has said themselves about Prokofy.

If I may, permit me to quote:

You are nobody until Prokofy has attempted to belittle you in her manic overly outrageous menopausal rampages … Catherine … Catherine… Catherine… much like the unibomber I imagine you taking a deep breath and typing full speed, tongue sticking out like a mad dog and dreaming of all the delicious angry comments that you’ll be able to consume as a result of again, your verbally abusive unfounded garbage. In the 17-1800′s they would have checked you in for treatment for mania or hysterics. Would you like me to send you a gift card to the closest ‘adult novely’ shop for treatment? That seems to be the consensus on rehabilitating you. I’ll send you some rechargeables.

The problem is that you like other bullies are used to spouting your fucking bullshit and innuendo (or in your case overt personal attacks) for notoriety. I strongly suspect that Mr. Neva isn’t keeping you satisfied in first life. If he was… perhaps you’d be an entirely different woman instead of the dried up messy excuse of a human being that you are. Everything you do is for attention… but at the cost of ruining the day for some good hearted schmuck who is just trying to have a normal day. It’s psychotic. And trust me… I know your type INTUITIVELY. You’d be far better off shaking that RL man of yours and getting a piece of WHATEVER you need to defrost yourself and rejoin the human race. There is a brain in there that I admire. But it’s so fucking buried by disjointed aggression that it loses all merit. You are a cow. And a heartless vile one at that. Karma’s a bitch… take your medicine baby… you reap what you sow.

Any luck getting Mr. Neva to provide? I still think there is a fluffy warm bunny under your scaly necrotic exterior… nothing a little good sex and a few bottles of wine (and maybe a personality transplant) won’t cure.

I’m curious. Are your children school yard bullies too? Do you encourage the inclination in them in the hopes that one day they take over your mission to bring misery to someone’s life every day… Come on kids! Let Mom show you how to contribute something REALLY valuable to the world. Sarcasm. Vindictive intention. Cruelty. Stress. Role model FTW!!! I’m so inspired by your humanity Prok… really. But tell me.. how do you sleep at night? I’m guessing heavily medicated or drunk.

No, I’m not a really big fan of hypocrisy. Not so much. Especially considering that nothing that I or anyone else said yesterday on Twitter concerning “A Day Without Prok” rose to this level. Not even close. Would I say such things? No.  No, I would not.

So I’m not excusing anything that I said yesterday, nor am I making any apologies. Yes, it was somewhat mean-spirited, but I’m pretty sure Prok’s a grown-up and can take it as well as dish it out.

I was addressing the hypocrisy of berating others for losing their accounts due to billing issues – and now, I suppose I’m addressing the hypocrisy of pointing out the speck in someone else’s eye.

A Small Update

Since my last blog post *somethingsomething* months ago, Google appears to have relented and plans to provide some form of pseudonymous access to Google+.  Whether this means the “nym wars” are over or not remains to be seen.  Personally, I’m not impressed at all and I have no plans to return to it.  This whole debacle did serve to wake a lot of people up as to just how much control Google has over our information – and how little we know about what they actually do with it.

The Power

(Update: Eye-opening link [PDF] at the bottom of the page.)

Hey kids.  As you know, it’s either feast or famine when it comes to me and this blog.  Well, this is a long one.  But I don’t think it’s tl;dr at all, and I really hope you’ll read it.

I was attempting to interest my Second Life friends into trying out Diaspora – which is still in alpha and presently invite-only – when the announcement of Google+ made news. I was (and am) a fan of Diaspora’s simplicity and for its introduction of “Aspects” – a feature which allows you to take control over who sees what on your Disapora timeline. (Google apparently liked the idea as well, ‘copybotting’ it and renaming it “Circles” – and trumpeting it as their primary breakthrough in social networking.) When Facebook began purging SL profiles, many jumped over to Google+ as invites were offered, or as back-doors were discovered. And while I still wanted to see Diaspora capture more of the avatar community, I signed up for a Google+ account myself. Admittedly, I didn’t devote a lot of energy to it – what little time I had for distractions during the day were spent reading and posting to Twitter, perhaps the only mainstream social network that seems to understand the paramount importance of user privacy. Still, I downloaded the app and kept up with what others I knew were writing there.

That was, until yesterday – when I was unable to read or post to Google+ and was told by Google that there were problems accessing the service. “No problem,” I thought to myself, “just log out and back in again”. That’s when I knew that something was up. Google was suddenly telling me there was “suspicious activity” and as a result, my entire Google account had been locked down. To regain access, I would need to provide Google with a cellphone number so they could text me a confirmation number and restore access to my account. This puzzled me, as I had never provided Google my cellphone number as identifiable information for that account. Why not ask my security question? Why not email it to my alternate e-mail address? Why demand a piece of information that they should not have in their possession already?

However, I – like most people online – have allowed myself to be lulled into a sense of trusting complacency with Google, taking them at their word that they are committed to ‘doing no evil’, and storing a lot of personal data in my Gmail account and other Google services. Just this month, in fact, I moved from a Blackberry to an Android-powered phone – without as much as a second thought. With the threat of having all of the important information I had entrusted to Google locked away, out of my reach, I felt I had no choice but to consent to their requirement. I typed in my cell number, received my verification code, and my account was restored.

Well, almost restored. My access to Google Plus had been restricted due to “violating our Community Standards”. My crime was apparently – openly – having a profile registered to an an online name that I have used now for four years, and a name that is known by more people online than my given birth name. Had I caused problems? Been disruptive? Presented myself to the Google+ community as anything other than a real-life person operating under a pen name well-known to a particular online community?

Nope.

To be honest, I can’t be fussed that I was booted from Google+. What bothered me was that I was locked out of everything until I consented to provide what is in essence a ‘fingerprint’ to Google, due to ‘suspicious activity’ that was not suspicious in any way, shape or form.

I know, color me gullible if you wish, but yesterday was the day that I lost my innocence concerning Google. One sometimes holds out the foolish notion that a company that seems to do so much for so many genuinely does so with altruistic intentions. I bought into the “do no evil”. I did. I admit it.

This whole “real name only” business has already begun to divide the online community into two factions, and I tend to believe that is by design, not consequence. The best way to bring down any community is by dividing and conquering: Republican vs. Democrat, Labour vs. Tory, light-skinned vs. dark-skinned, and on and on. I don’t think this is a matter of, “Waaaaah, you can’t have your way by pretending to be a fake cartoon video-game character on GoogleBook.” Google can mandate whatever they want, they’re a private business. The real question is why this company has shifted from one that embraced the true width and breadth of online diversity … to one that scans your retina before permitting entry.

And no, it’s not an exaggeration. Chances are your phone number reveals a lot more about you than you realize. Every text message that you send on your cellphone, every web search, every scrap of data, is archived. All of it. You think that $99 is a sweet deal for a 1-terabyte hard drive? Imagine the discount received for companies – and agencies – that buy in bulk. Remember when Gmail constantly reminded you that you didn’t need to throw anything away? That nothing needed to be deleted, and everything could be called up with a simple entry in the search window?

Yeah, that.

It’s no surprise that Google has a cozy relationship with the National Security Agency (NSA). And when you have a cozy relationship with what we know to be the most secretive of intelligence agencies in the United States, it can also be concluded that one hand washes the other. I would suspect that there’s not even a bother with requesting court orders before releasing data to the NSA/CIA/FBI any longer. It’s not required when your “partner” is more than willing to just hand it over.

I don’t believe that it’s simply a matter of not clicking enough banner ads back in the day to sustain the old model of online advertising. I believe that a good deal of the data-scraping – if you can even call it that, since people walk into Facebook and Google+ daily and leave behind knapsacks full of it – *is* sold to advertisers and corporations. But I think the big customer for Google and Facebook right now is government intelligence. It has to be – at no time in history have people been willing to voluntarily surrender so much information about themselves – all identifiable, all cross-indexed, in the cloud.

Nothing deleted. Ever.

If that’s your cup of tea, by all means, don’t let me stop you. I do believe that social media has an essential place in our wired culture. But I have a broader imagination than that. I want to be more than the “Mayor of Burger King”. I want to utilize the broader metaverse to better myself, educate myself, enlighten myself – and yes, to entertain myself. I’ve been a part of the internet culture since 1994 – nearly two decades. I remember the net before the web was a household word. And freedom to be yourself, in whatever way you chose to be yourself, was always an integral part of that culture.

I think that’s why Second Life attracted my interest in a way that no online “multiplayer” environment ever did. It seemed, despite the technical limitations, to be a realization of everything we had been promised about the internet – a place to indeed be whatever we wanted to be. It was an immersive information web, a chat-room on steroids, a roleplaying environment, a multimedia space, an educational tool, an artistic paintbox, an outlet for personal exploration, a game of dress-up, a ballroom where you could dance cheek to cheek with someone 5,000 miles away … all of these things, and more.

I also think that’s why Second Life, as a product, is experiencing an identity crisis. Social media has elevated the mundane to the point that imagination has died. Why spend your spare time painting when you can be posting pictures to Facebook of the pizza you had for lunch? Why daydream when you’re already having a hard time staying on top of your Twitter feed? Why waste time working on a short story that perhaps nobody will ever read, when you can type 140 characters that will be seen by hundreds, maybe thousands? It’s all about being recognized. Humans want to be seen and validated by others. Why wouldn’t we want to use our real names? How will anyone know us if we don’t? How will they pick us out of the crowd as the celebrity we really are, and hoist us on their shoulders when we something we say or do finally goes viral?

Why would you want to hide behind a mask?

What’s wrong with you?

Why do you have to be fake?

What are you covering up?

What have you got to hide?

We don’t want you here. Go away.

The world has forgotten that we often become our truest selves – for better or for worse – when take off the masks that we are required to wear to interact with the world. That is what Second Life is for many of us – an escape into our truest selves. A place to bare our souls. A place to safely explore those dark hallways and sharp edges and overcome them. A place to question everything. A place where the intangible helps us to become more real.

But governments and corporations don’t care about any of that. They want to know where you are, they want your money, they want to know what you’re doing, and they don’t want you to make waves.

That last part is where I think the biggest motivator behind this relentless push toward a “naked internet”. If you haven’t noticed lately, the economy is in shambles – and it’s a lot worse than most of us can even fathom. Capitalism is on the verge of collapsing like a house of cards, and the only thing keeping Americans from noticing and establishing our own Jasmine Revolution is our distraction with gadgets and instant gratification and cheap low-grade internet celebrity.

One day, sooner rather than later, the rug will be pulled out from under us. Like on September 11th, we will be wandering around, asking what happened and looking to each other for support. And when the devastation is not simply on a street in New York but affects all of us directly, when the last bubble bursts and there’s no smokescreen left to blind us from just how bad things have become – we will start talking, and grouping, and asking questions, and demanding answers, and organizing meetups, and planning demonstrations – and demanding change.

And the government will have their eye on all of us, courtesy of Facebook and Google and cellphones with GPS conveniently activated to interact with our apps. They’ve learned from the Arab Spring – you can’t shut down the internet. Not without repercussions. What they can do is utilize their partnerships with Facebook and Google and Apple and Microsoft.

Apple has already requested a patent for technology that can prohibit iPhones from capturing video to cut down on piracy at live events. But what’s to stop a government from buying up that technology to prevent citizen journalists from capturing acts of state-sanctioned brutality on their cellphones for the world to see?

Even if you don’t want to go down this path, know that there is already one company that has obtained approval from the Federal Trade Commission to suck up all of that information that gets posted to social networks, sort it, note and flag personality traits, place it in a nice electronic file with your name on the front, and sell it to financial institutions and prospective employers. Your social FICO score. And, like your credit history, it stays on file for seven years.

Now you know why they want your real name. Information is power. And we’ve conceded perhaps our last remaining power – the power of our identity and our privacy.

(Click here to read: “Lost in the Cloud: Google and the US Government” [PDF].)

Affirmations

Prove yourself to no one.

Curry no one’s favor.  Suck up to no one.

Stand or fall on your own merit.

Name drop no one.  If you’re not worthy on your own, you won’t be worthy on someone’s shoulders.

Be you at all times.  This will not always be easy: relearn.

Not everyone will like you.  Deal with it.  It’s better to like yourself, than to be liked and hate yourself.

Keep writing.  Stay in the flow.  The more you write, the more you have to draw from.

This is your life.  You can’t guarantee that you’ll get another.  This is most likely it.

Do not suffer regrets.  Be the most amazing you that you can be.

Get rid of fear.  Just drop it.  Do it.  A little bit keeps you from walking off the edge.  Keep a little bit, but only a little.  Don’t let it control you, because knows exactly how to do just that.

Do the best you can at what you do and let the judgers judge because that’s what they’re going to do anyway.

Excel, and know that you can kick ass when you set your mind to it.  And excel at all things.

Detach yourself from The Bastard Machine*.  Be you.  Be proud to be you.  And most importantly, EVOLVE.  You have not even begun to reach your potential.

Not even. ♥

(* Not a reference to Tim Goodman.  At the time I was thinking of those forces in our life that convince us to keep our head down, our mouths shut, and our hopes caged.)

Foot Traffic

Hello, gentle reader. You are accompanying me on my walk today! It really is amazing that I can go on a lunchtime stroll and write a blog at the same time – without wires! On a small device I can hold *and* type with using the same hand! Youth, do not take these wonders for granted – you live in pretty amazing times.

And yet, I am walking in the street alongside the curb because this city has apparently given up on the idea of sidewalks.

If I should happen to get struck, though, you should be able to find a photo of it on Twitpic within a few minutes. Ah, technology!

It’s worrisome how looked-down-upon walking is becoming in the States. I’ve actually overheard someone say that they never notice someone outside unless they’re in their car. What a sad thought! Being a pedestrian is really a statement of independence, but for Americans, it seems increasingly interpreted as “I can’t drive”, or “I can’t afford a car”, or “My car is broken”, or “I’ve had my license suspended”. Never “Wow, that’s healthy!”, or “Sure beats high gas prices!”. You certainly see a lot of things that you would normally miss, driving past at 55 miles per hour.

Unless you have your face stuck in a cell phone.

Oops.

Resisting Negativity

I am as guilty of it as anyone else, believe me.

Last night, however, I had a moment of clarity after spending some time on a web forum – well, one thread and one person in particular.  Sometimes you know something, but it takes a certain situation for something to sink in (or rather slap you across the back of your head) and you realize the importance and the worth of that ‘something’.

Before I fell asleep, I wrote down (and tweeted) three things:

1. The time that you spend responding to a negative person is time you could have spent doing a nice thing for someone who appreciates it.

2. If someone speaks ill of you without cause, those who matter will note that person’s true character over time.  The rest aren’t worth it.

3. If someone chooses to spend their time setting you on fire, don’t waste a precious moment of your life handing them more wood.

The temptation to respond to negativity is very strong – particularly when you are the direct target of that negativity.  There are times when it is, in fact, necessary to do so.  However, and more often than not, responding to negativity results in sending energy down a black hole.

Every minute you spend responding to negativity is one minute of your life that is lost forever.  And as we never know when that last minute of our lives will be, it seems important to devote as many of them to things that will enrich ourselves and others.

Let those who dwell in the realm of negativity to their own darkness.  You can’t change them and you won’t sway them.  They will only gladly drink that precious energy from you and then turn around and tear you to shreds.  Some of these people may *seem* important or influential, but they’re really not, and responding to their attacks will only serve to lend them a sense of legitimacy that they neither have nor deserve.

In truth, negativity is frail and denied attention and feeding, it will wither.  This is why its demands are so loud and so relentless – it is constantly aware of its own mortality.  This is why extremists generally become more outspoken and violent during times of major social change – they sense their slide into irrelevance, and lash out in desperation.

Negativity can destroy self-awareness.  Negativity can destroy well-being.  Negativity drains energy and provides nothing beneficial in return.

You are worth far more than that.  Your life is a precious, limited resource.

Use it wisely.

Namaste.

Help, I Can’t Hear Streaming Audio in Second Life! (Ubuntu, Linux)

I had this problem as well.  The fix (for me) was to do the following:

Go into the folder which contains your Second Life viewer.  You will be editing the shell script which launches your Second Life client – for instance, if you are using the Phoenix viewer, you will be editing a file called “snowglobe”.  Right-click the script and Display.  You will see the following code:

## - Avoids using any OpenAL audio driver.
#export LL_BAD_OPENAL_DRIVER=x

Remove the hashtag in the second line and save.  Then re-run.  You should be able to stream music now.

Imprudence doesn’t seem to have this problem and, for me at least, no changes are necessary.

Becoming an Ubuntu Fangirl

I need to let my inner geek out and say that I am extremely impressed with how Ubuntu is progressing.  I’ve been using the Natty Narwhal beta version of Ubuntu, and it’s been giving me squeegasms.  The look and feel appeal to the aesthete in me.  I’ve been using my 720p television in the living room and readability has not been an issue.  Not once.  Installing software is, for the most part, effortless.  Installing software that’s not in the Ubuntu Software Center requires a tiny bit more work to install, but once you get the hang of it, it’s nothing at all.

It boots lightning fast, it responds fluidly, and best of all … it runs Second Life like a champ!  The computer that I’m running it on now used to get 10-20 fps inworld under Windows XP.  Under Ubuntu, I get 30-50fps reguarly with no issues at all.  And the best thing is that all necessary drivers were downloaded and applied flawlessly at the time of installation, including the Nvidia drivers.

I’ll still be a Windows user for some time to come, but I’m majorly impressed with what I’m seeing and experiencing.  And as soon as I know that the audio and video editing tools that I rely on – and my DJ software – have equal counterparts on Ubuntu, I’ll have no problem making the final switch.  If you’ve got an older computer taking up space in the closet, and you’d like to give it a new lease on life, this might be your chance!  (But you might want to wait until the official release of Ubuntu 11.04, which is on April 28th.